JULIE

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What In The Heck Was This Woman Doing During A Falcons Game?

Sep 19, 2014 -- 5:59pm

Spotted on camera during the Atlanta Falcons' home rout over Tampa Bay Thursday night, the woman below is perhaps doing one of the following:

Making sure the man next to her is still there.
Rehearsing a dance move.
Doing a triceps flex.
Reaching for a second beer.
Completely missing her own front pocket.
Trying out the latest Georgia Dome cheer.
Giving the guy in front of them a really quick neck rub.

What's your best guess?

 

Kitten Thinks Peacock Is A Cat Toy (Video)

Sep 17, 2014 -- 6:26pm

 

(huffingtonpost.com)

Forget buying your kitten fake mice, laser pointers or string. Just show it a full-grown peacock displaying its feathers -- that's all the kitty toy it'll ever need.

For proof, watch the video above to see a 5-week-old kitten bravely pawing at a peacock's feathers like they're playthings.

The bird looks 100 percent annoyed, so it's a good thing a human is keeping a watchful eye on the kitten.

Though the video is from 2010, we still love to see animals of different species curiously (and safely) interact.

 

The 5 Most Pointless Abilities People Love To Brag About

Sep 17, 2014 -- 6:11pm

In Holland there is a man who can regulate his body temperature just by thinking about it; in England there's a guy who can solve any mathematical equation in his head, as well as learn new languages in a week; and from my normal standing position, I can jump really, really high. The point is, there are legitimate superpowers in the world, and a few of us are lucky enough to enjoy them for no reason other than genetic providence. Are we the future of humanity? Are we destined for something greater than the rest of you? No one knows for sure. But probably yes.

And yet, for every person with an extraordinary gift, there are whole knots of normal people mistaking their asinine quirks for inherent abilities. They celebrate their meaningless talents loudly, and often, trying to convince anyone who will listen that they are super.

These people can't survive in ice water, or learn the subjunctive tense in 20 minutes, and they certainly can't jump onto really high stuff, like a dresser or something, if the floor suddenly turned to lava. However, that won't stop them from bragging unapologetically about their pointless "skills," particularly these five ...

#5. How Good They Are at Eating Spicy Foods


Any time you go out to dinner with a group of people and the menu has a thermometer icon next to each entree, you can guarantee that one person in your group will order the spiciest meal possible as a matter of pride. They don't do it necessarily because they think they'll enjoy the meal -- in fact, they will likely weep and sweat through the whole thing -- they do it because they want everyone at the table, everyone on the wait staff and everyone in the kitchen to think, "Ah, now this person is really something special."

That's not to say that there aren't people who genuinely enjoy a little kick in their food; entire countries aren't making their traditional dishes as dares, after all. But there's a special subset of people who will use any opportunity to demonstrate their tolerance for pain, even something as benign as a meal. Consequently, there's no chance they will eat it quietly, either. They will let everyone else at the table know between each bite, each labored swallow, that "This is nothing" and "I'm from (insert culture that has to hide the taste of spoiled meat), now they know spicy!"

Worst of all, if you happen to live with one of these people, each meal is a harbinger of domestic terrorism. Regardless of anyone's ability to choke down hot food through sheer will, that will has no say on the final product that fires back out of the body a couple hours later. Taste bud sensitivity may vary from person to person, but butts are all pretty much the same, and they don't like habaneros.

 "Honey? Do you smell a tire fire?"

So if you're the type of person who eats extremely spicy food just to prove a point, you should know that you're not commanding the hushed respect of everyone around. They are silent because they are listening for the screams of your lower intestine so they know how much time is left before they have to flee.

#4. How They Never Need a Jacket


While clearly aiming for the same sort of superpower as the Buddhist monks who can raise their body temperature through meditation, this type of person looks forward to winter all year long because his entire sense of self is dependent on his tolerance for cold weather. During the first blizzard of the season, he is already out in the streets, not to build snowmen or have a snowball fight, but to conspicuously wear a T-shirt and accuse everyone else of going soft. For this person, gloves, jackets and hats are symbols of defeat, and everyone else might as well be bundled up in white flags of submission to the elements.

In addition, he will tell you for as long as you will listen about some city or town he lived in that isn't here and how, because the winters there are so wet/so dry/so northerly/so high in elevation, he experienced a type of cold you couldn't possibly conceive of with your tiny, wool-clad mind. As a result, he is immune to temperatures that would kill someone as fragile as you.

I know this guy because I used to be him. I grew up in the mountains of Colorado and moved to Los Angeles, where people use an overcast day as an excuse to climb into "winter wear." But I'm willing to admit that even Los Angeles gets legitimately cold sometimes, and no one was falling over in admiration when I'd wear shorts in January and call everyone else cowards.

Incidentally, the people who wrap themselves in confidence instead of polypropylene each winter are the same people who refuse to admit when they're sick. Instead, they will chalk up their impacted sinuses and four-month cough to allergies.

#3. How Well They Function on No Sleep


Each night while you are unconscious in some dark room for six to 10 hours, caving to your own weakness, there are apparently hundreds of people with a stronger nature than yours living their goddamn lives and getting tons of really important shit done. They are the sleep anorexics, and for such a frenzied, fast-paced group, they sure seem to have a lot of time to hang around telling you exactly how little sleep they're getting.

Also, they are incapable of quantifying their sleep schedule one night at a time; they can only understand it in three- or four-day chunks. "I've slept five hours in the last three days," they will laugh, or "I'm running on seven hours sleep for the entire week. It's crazy."

Sleep anorexics' self-esteem is not proportional to how little sleep they get -- it's directly proportional to how little sleep they get compared to you. They are all participating in a secret competition of who can stay up the longest, so when you say you slept well last night, they will only nod smugly and think about how they left another feeble loser in the dust.

 "Oh, you dozed off at work? Well I blinked on a subway train and woke up in a soup kitchen. And I still got my presentation done."

But like a child who tries to stay up all night in a desperate attempt to feel powerful, eventually these people crash, falling into deep, slack-jawed sleep in movies, meetings, bars and pretty much anywhere that requires sitting still for more than two minutes at a time.

 

#2. How Amazing They Are at Spotting Celebrities


The trouble with this ability is that it could actually be a useful talent if it wasn't being squandered on a completely worthless pursuit. Some people are so good at memorizing faces, body structure and mannerisms that they can tell who someone is from a hundred yards away, sometimes even from behind. If they nurtured that skill to hunt down missing persons and wanted criminals, they could be heroes. Instead they use their gift to point out a disguised Jake Gyllenhaal to everyone else in an airport terminal.

If you know people who pride themselves on being able to spot celebrities, it won't take much prodding for them to rattle off every star they've ever seen, and if you're particularly unlucky, they'll have one of those autograph books that make you retroactively embarrassed for everyone who was present during each signature.

 "'To Barry' is fine. Big fan, by the way."

That's because celebrity spotters aren't accruing their autographs at junkets or conventions; no, they prefer to catch celebrities in the wild. They see Alex Trebek going the opposite direction on the freeway at 60 miles an hour and give chase. They'll glimpse Howie Mandel having dinner in a restaurant and pound on the window until he acknowledges them. Worst of all, they'll recount every exchange without any hint of humiliation. In fact, they're proud of their accomplishments; as far as they're concerned, celebrities are all complicit goals in a massive scavenger hunt, a scavenger hunt they happen to be winning. Naturally, they want you to know about the talent that leads them to success, because a conversation with you is the closest thing they will ever have to a post-game interview.

#1. How Often They Need to Shave


Ladies, you can just sit back and relax on this one because it's specific to men, unless there's a whole quadrant of women out there I don't know about who can't shut up about how quickly their body pockets grow another layer of Velcro after each shave.

For some men, though, their entire concept of masculinity is defined by facial hair. When they shave in the morning and a new crop has budded by mid-afternoon, they want you to know about it, goddammit. They want to talk about how many razors they go through in a month, and how some days they'll shave twice, and how lucky the rest of us are that we don't have to cope with such unbridled testosterone. Even men who don't brag out loud about it still brag silently with their stupid sandpaper chins.

This might be a good time to mention that I'm not jealous. Granted, the seeds of puberty could gain no purchase on my face, but I can see it in each of your eyes that you are boasting on the inside about all your facial hair potential. Well, I've got news for you -- that's not a power. It's not going to save babies from house fires or something. Come talk to me when you can jump into the back of a truck with both feet at the same time. Facial hair looks stupid anyway. I don't want this to sound resentful, but I hope your beard grows so long someday that your face gets sucked into a wind turbine.

 A few more days ought to do it.

 

 

Ripley's Wooden Ferrari Looks Like A Car, Rides Like A Boat

Sep 16, 2014 -- 5:35pm

(huffingtonpost.com)

One of the world's strangest boats just made a big splash in San Diego: A replica of a Ferrari F50 made completely out of pine.
 

The Ferrari was built in 2001 by Livio De Marchi, an artist living in the canal-covered city of Venice Italy.
 

"[De Marchi] always wanted a Ferrari and this was the only way he could have one and still get around Venice," Terry Brennan, curator of the San Diego Air & Space Museum, told The Huffington Post.
 

The boat has been owned by Ripley's Believe It Or Not! since 2009, but has been housed at the Museum for nearly two years as part of a traveling exhibition.
 

But what fun is a Ferrari boat that is just dry docked? Not much. Ripley's decided to get it in the water for the first time since Carnaval was held in Venice in 2002 as part of the San Diego Bayfair, held this past weekend.
 

Getting the boat ready after 12 years out of the briny blue wasn't easy, according to Brennan.
 

"It had dried up quite a bit over the period of time it was out of the water," he said. "We thought we'd be able to season the hull like you would any wooden boat, but we found some cracks that were as much as half-an-inch wide. We had to recaulk a lot of the bottom.."
 

The maiden voyage took place early Saturday morning with HuffPost Weird News staff writer David Moye as the first passenger. Ripley's Vice President Patrick Hartle admitted earlier he wasn't sure how that ride would be. "I hope it goes better than the 3-hour tour on 'Gilligan's Isle,'" he said.
 

Here's the bottom line: There are few things cooler than getting into a boat that looks like a sportscar and there are few things slower. "Yeah, it doesn't match the performance of a real Ferrari," Hartle admitted.

Austrailia Bans Homer Simpson's Favorite Beer

Sep 16, 2014 -- 3:03pm

(boingboing.net)

The group's letter to the ABAC cited several posts to social media, but the core of its complaint was the association with The Simpsons, which has long been popular among Australian children and young adults
 

The ABAC upheld a complaint made by the Alcohol Policy Coalition, a collaboration of health agencies, which had been lodged in June.

Australia's Alcohol Beverages Advertising Code has banned the Woolworths grocery from selling Homer Simpson's favorite beverage Duff Beer because "it will be instantly recognisable and highly appealing to children and young people under the legal drinking age," according to a complaint filed with the organization
 

5 Things Our Parents Did That Would Get Them Arrested Today

Sep 09, 2014 -- 3:35pm

(yahoo.com)

It’s a wonder so many of us lived through childhood considering how little it seems our parents knew about safety. Maybe all of that parental hovering that goes on today is justified.

Read on for a list of things that your parents may have done -- or let you do -- that would get them into hot water today. Then share your stories in the comment section below.

Taking Photos
Your parents probably have dozens of cute photos of you as a tyke sporting nothing but your birthday suit. It’s not illegal to take snaps of your kiddies in the buff, but it could be treated as a crime.

In 2008, an Arizona couple took their vacation pictures to a local big box store to be developed. An employee thought their children’s bath time photos were a little too racy, so he reported them to the authorities. A judge later ruled the images were perfectly innocent but the damage was done. The couple was arrested and their three children were held in protective custody for more than a month.

Home Alone
Most people over 30 wax nostalgic about a childhood spent roaming adult-free through the neighborhood. These days, free-range kids are not only frowned upon, they are often illegal.

Several states have laws on the books stating a child cannot be left on their own until the age of 12. In Illinois, a child cannot be legally on his or her own until the age of 14.

That’s why you’re seeing stories in the news like the mom who let her 9-year-old daughter play in a park without supervision while she worked her shift at a nearby McDonalds.

Earlier this year, a father in Hawaii was arrested for forcing his 8-year-old son to walk the mile home from school all alone.

Smoking in the Car
Plenty of parents used to puff away on a cigarette while carpooling the kids to soccer.

Smoking in the confined space of a car exposes passengers to highly concentrated toxic air even when the windows are rolled down, according to the Environmental Protection Agency. Furthermore, smoke seeps into upholstery and other car surfaces, creating long-term health risks.

Six states -- Arkansas, California, Louisiana, Maine, Oregon and Utah -- take the protection of developing lungs seriously. They’ve got laws on the books making it illegal to smoke in the car with a young child on board. Other states are considering similar legislation.

Seat Belts
Some states didn’t have seat belt laws until the early nineties. Until then, plenty of kids slid around in the back seat any time their mom or dad took them out for a drive.

One user on Reddit fondly recalled his mom greasing the rear seat with Crisco so he and his sibling would get a thrill every time she hugged a curve in the road.

As we now know, seat belts save lives, especially young lives. The U.S. Department of Transportation estimated that seat belts prevent the death of more than 12,000 children every year.

If you’re stopped without your kid properly strapped in, you probably won’t go to jail. But you’ll be fined anywhere from $10 to $160 depending upon where you live. In most states, fines climb even higher, and jail time is a possibility if you’re involved in an auto accident with a child who wasn’t properly restrained.

Weight Gain
If you were a chubby child, you probably endured some teasing. But you probably never worried about being put into foster care for putting on some extra pounds.

But that’s exactly what happened to an 8-year-old Cleveland boy in 2011. The 200-pound third grader was removed from his home because health officials reportedly said his mother did not do enough to help him lose weight.

At the time, the Journal of the American Medical Association ran an opinion piece agreeing with the state’s measures, saying, “In severe instances of childhood obesity, removal from the home may be justifiable from a legal standpoint because of imminent health risks and the parents’ chronic failure to address medical problems.”

 

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